Naughty? Yes. Nice? No!

The so-called Satanic Santa was not always such a devil. He was just a cute li'l Santa doll when Ralph's grandma bought him many years ago. But the legend goes that one day a pack of wild dogs nibbled the little fellas plastic fingers off, turning him (like so many supervillains) to the dark side!

"The Satanic Santa LOVES you!" rasps the dirty doll. Ralph's brought him to work and many parties. Most people hate (let's say fear) him. But he's my buddy! I wrote a song about him once.

When Ralph traveled to Europe, he carried a photo of Santa with him. There's pics of ol' SS in Rome, fer crying out loud!