Guy Lombardo Sends His Best

After the ball dropped in Times Square, Boomba Roast Beef Grandma, Ralph & brother Jerry followed suit!

Happy New Year to all you Kids out there! Wishing you a real nice 2011!

Ralph Opens for the Koestner Sisters

 

Second-grader Ralph warms up the Junior Sodalists of Our Lady at their Tacky Party (a suitable forum perhaps for our young orator)!

(Click on the image to enlarge.)

A Busy Christmas!

 

And by busy, I mean that suit! Jan, doing her best Judy Collins, and Ralph, cuddling Topo Gigio, sing carols under the Christmas ball-yetas!

Merry Christmas from the "Once a Kid" gang!

Ralph Shoots a Bear

 

1967:  Ralph and his parents visit Yellowstone Park. Ralph stumbles across a bear leaning against a tree. Years later, they would be reunited when Ralph attends a taping of the Conan O'Brien show.

The Cross-Country Barnstormers

 

1968: On the San Francisco leg of Ralph & Red's Cross-Country American Adventure, the boys stop in Chinatown for a novelty photograph.

1996: Meeting up again in New York, Red presents Ralph a framed & autographed copy of the historic pose.

The Author

Is this the "Garrison Keillor of the the Bronx"? Well, that's the buzz about town!

Hee Haw! Hee Haw!

 

Our author and intrepid traveler finds Dominick the Christmas Donkey in Greece, far from the hills of Brook-a-leen!

Naughty? Yes. Nice? No!

The so-called Satanic Santa was not always such a devil. He was just a cute li'l Santa doll when Ralph's grandma bought him many years ago. But the legend goes that one day a pack of wild dogs nibbled the little fellas plastic fingers off, turning him (like so many supervillains) to the dark side!

"The Satanic Santa LOVES you!" rasps the dirty doll. Ralph's brought him to work and many parties. Most people hate (let's say fear) him. But he's my buddy! I wrote a song about him once.

When Ralph traveled to Europe, he carried a photo of Santa with him. There's pics of ol' SS in Rome, fer crying out loud!

The Bronx Gobbler

Ralph's father illustrates the "pre-carve dangling" technique of turkey preparation. What a bird!

I imagine it was quite a feast. Young Ralph was probably off in other room eating a pie!

Happy Thanksgiving to Fuccillos past, present and future!

A Toast to the Newlyweds!

December 17, 1971, Mt. Fuji Inn, Omaha, Nebraska. Ralph & Jan's rehearsal dinner, let's assume (until I get it from the horse's (or donkey's) mouth). Another wild gathering of associates to celebrate the soon-to-be Fuccillos. There's Big Red (John Regan) to the left of Jan.

The Classy Glass

1966: In a suit as sparkly as his glass of beer, our fresh-faced author attends the Cardinal Hayes graduation party with his classmate and associate, Mike Noone. The location is Marta's Italian Restaurant in Greenwich Village. Ralph's father knew the owner, as he used to provide meat to the kitchen. Besides Fuccillo, Marta's was a favorite hangout of John Dos Passos.

The Return of Richard Nixon

Ralph Fuccillo, photojournalist and Young Republican, snapped this iconic photograph of President Nixon on the campaign trail at the Westchester County Center in White Plains, NY. The photo's dated April 1971, so it's probably from late '70, early '71. Unless our boy was too cheap to develop the film in '68, when Nixon was there to open his NY campaign. So this shot is probably from his reelection bid.

Flash forward to November 12, 2010 at the The Artistery in Portland, Oregon, where his son Jeff's band, Helll are performing. Ralph encounters his hero once again. Now someone needs to paint a HUGE propaganda-like portrait of Big Pops!

Good Evening, Ladies & Germs!

1970: A white sports coat and a pink ruffled cuff. What an outfit! Here Ralph's dressed as the Insult Comic Dog -- cigar and all! I was most surprised that the event was Creighton's Senior Dance and not a talent show. Jan is, of course, dressed appropriately, but Ralph's ready to "Make a Deal!"

Ralph Takes the Cake

Maybe it's Ralph's birthday. Maybe it's a holiday. Maybe just a Tuesday. But here's Ralph's mother presenting him with a cake which he could easily eat the whole of today (if it's free cake). Is it a Carvel ice cream cake? And what is it? A carousel? The little figurine in the middle looks sorta like a Santa Claus.

So many questions? Where can we find the answers? In the pages of Ralph Fuccillo's memoir "Once a Kid."

Coming soon! (Hurry it up!)

The Darktown Strutter

Yeah, that's our boy, velvet shorts and all (well, not all -- no socks). Ralph loves talking about the time he danced on Broadway. I can't say for certain that this is the outfit he wore, but for let's assume it was for now. True story -- he tap-danced across that legendary stage!

Hard to think of Big Pops as a hoofer. In fact, the closest he's ever come to a hoof was when he tried horse at a Tokyo restaurant (hopefully, it wasn't Roquepine)!

The Clip Joint

Chicago, April 1971: Jan and Ralph pause for a photo outside of Ralph's Barbershop, much to the chagrin of the patron in the front window, whose two dollar haircut comes with an eyeful of Bronx derriere.

Ralph, of course, is not the namesake of the barbershop, and judging by those near-muttonchops, had yet to frequent said establishment.

Ralph Blesses the Neighborhood

Young Ralph, the boy priest of Parker Street, celebrates the Catholic Mass with some local hoodlums. What a photo! There's Ralph, serious, devoted, with the "Bowery Boys" to his left: Peter Macceroli, Johnny Dynan, Albie Napoli (praying fervently) and Johnny Pisano. It's hard to tell what the two girls make of this scene.

I found over a dozen shots of Fr. Ralph in the archives, administering to the neighborhood kids and performing a personal religious ceremony for his grandparents. (Wanna see more? Wait for the book, you cheapskates!)

I must tell you, this is no joke. Ralph is as devout now as he ever was. Only, instead of a cassock, today he wears some nice threads he got from his Hong Kong style guru, the Manhattan Tailor!

Finally! An Excerpt from "Once a Kid" (Draft)!

Well, it's about time you heard a bit of the memoir, right from the horse's (of donkey's) mouth!

Here's Ralph discussing his first meeting with his wife, Jan.

(From a chapter to be possibly titled "The Impostor.")

"On to Creighton University, Omaha, Nebraska…

It was the fall of 1970 and I had just been accepted over the spring to a great Jesuit University, however, on probation since my grades in New York City's college system weren't the best by a long shot. I was determined to do well this time around!

This part of my life I was doing alone, except for the bankers who loaned me the money to attend college in the Midwest.

Right out of the gate, I tried to impress everyone I met even as I awaited my roommate, a complete stranger from the windy city of Chicago. I did know we had something in common – we were both guineas from ethic neighborhoods. Even though Jim was Italian, he lived in a Polish area, and I in an Italian ghetto area of the Bronx. I pushed my "New York" style to the limits, if in fact there were any. I believed I had a great wardrobe – direct from every discount department store, as well as a cousin who worked as a buyer for a major brand. I was set! I really tried to play the role of a classy Italian from the Bronx, but was more akin to Topo Gigio, the celebrity Italian mouse from “The Ed Sullivan Show.”

I settled into campus life, majoring in Journalism. I worked hard on my studies from Monday to Thursday and then headed out with the boys to a few local spots, where it didn't take much brainpower to major in "drinking as a way of life." This was when the trouble began. As a New Yorker I'd drink doubles of Johnny Walker Black with a little water on the side. God forbid anyone at the bar or club would leave a drink unattended – in seconds it would be gone! After a while, it didn't matter whether the drink was attended to or not.

As the months rolled by and winter started to settle in we had quite the routine as we would spend the weekends drinking and carrying on. Thank God I didn't drive, but chewed on cigars instead. My buddies and I would meet females (and sometimes not in the very best condition).

This brings me to a very special Saturday in January, 1971. The guys and I ventured to the Civic Auditorium in downtown Omaha to see a Creighton basketball game – what else was there to do on a cold winter's night in Omaha? The Bluejays won, and what better time to celebrate the victory than the present! After going from bar to bar we stumbled into a classy lounge in the Blackstone Hotel on Dodge Street.

It was a piano bar and it didn't take us more than a few seconds to realize that the guys circling the piano were singing arm-in-arm. My first gay bar in the Midwest! We scurried to see if there were any women in the place and to our delight we noted two girls sitting at a table eating sandwiches and fries. We asked if we could be associated with them, since the alternative was being hit on by some gents. Lucky as it may be, Jan's roommate had dated one of the associates I was with and this made it easy. They said yes and probably figured we were quite harmless in the condition we were in. It was at that very moment I met the love of my life and future wife, Jan.

Talk about trouble? The mixture of alcohol and bullshit didn't make for a pretty sight or, in this case, a proper introduction. I couldn't control myself and before long I was telling Jan that I was a graduate school student in the Journalism department of Creighton University. Nothing could be further from the truth! Then I pushed the envelope and told her my employer was paying my tuition, and that it just so happened that my employer was the New York Yankees organization, where I served as public relations director for their AAA team in Syracuse, New York! Wow!

What a way to start a relationship! I was a twenty-two year old, barely an undergraduate sophomore, who had never even been to Syracuse. The closest I came to this city in upstate New York was to meet a fellow Creighton student who was from there. (The student was N__ G__, whose claim-to-fame was being a kleptomaniac – AND THAT'S NO LIE!)

This major lie about who I was or wasn't became much more difficult to contend with as I started to fall in love. Needless to say, it almost cost me my bride-to-be – AND THAT TOO IS NO LIE!"

History of Men's Fashion: Autumn 1971

It's splendor in the grass for our budding author, in his Gulden's yellow shirt, complemented by striped white slacks. Looking like either Archie Andrews...

 or a model for the sleeve of a Simplicity pattern...

Ralph nevertheless continues today to exude both style and class. And still wears his slacks too tight!

Portrait of the Author in Red Bowtie #1

#1? How many red bowtie photos are there? Too many. I've got #2 waiting in the wings. Here Young Ralph roasts a wiener in the yard. Those bright Italian whites make me wonder if that even is a bowtie and not just some ketchup he wiped on his lapel...

Rocky Mountain Swan

We're in Colorado Springs at the dawn of the Seventies. Ralph receives an award from the business owner to whom he has sold his very first newspaper ad. I don't know what the award was for, or why any award, except one for ballet, would be represented by a glass swan. My greater interest is in Ralph's manual acceptance of the swan -- pinkie out, the same way he eats a White Castle hamburger.

 

Bill Duck's Business Card! Of course, Ralph still has it!

The Neighborhood

St. Raymond's Ave in the late 1950s. The scene looks like Ralph's first communion. And there he is, dead center -- so Italian, so intense (to quote the Irving Klaw Trio, whose members included Ralph's eldest son, Jeff). Another photographic time capsule of one of the great cultures of mid-20th century New York. Take the time to click on the photo for a larger view to study each face. What a collection! Look closely and you'll find "XXX" Al, Ralph the Plumber, and the father of Joseph Medeglia, the priest at the baptism in "The Godfather".

Bishop Takes Rookie

In honor of Labor Day and the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, here's a photo of Ralph with Joey Bishop, possibly the most unusual shot he ever took with a fan. Joey deposited Ralph at Safeway and got 35 cents.

I guess that doesn't really have anything to do with Labor Day or Jerry Lewis. The closest connection I could find was this skit from "The Dean Martin Variety Hour" featuring Dean and Joey.

They don't make 'em like they used to -- that goes for Dean, Joey AND Ralph!

The Old Softee

Ask Ralph what the fifth food group is and he'll tell you Mr. Softee -- it's the creamiest, dreamiest soft ice cream! Really -- it's right there in the song!

"The creamiest, dreamiest soft ice cream,
You get from Mister Softee.
For a refreshing delight supreme,
Look for Mister Softee.
My milkshakes and my sundaes and my cones are such a treat,
Listen for my store on wheels, ding-a-ling down the street.
The creamiest, dreamiest soft ice cream,
You get from Mister Softee.
For a refreshing delight supreme,
Look for Mister Softee.
S-O-F-T Double 'E', Mister Softee."

Scenes from an Italian Kitchen

Ralph's Grandmother's birthday! If Norman Rockwell grew up in the Bronx, this is what he would have painted. Note Young Ralph's Davy Crockett t-shirt in the first photo (click on the photos for larger versions).

The Bronx Belly Bomber

Eating. Is it an Art or a Sport? Depending on your view, Ralph can be considered either a Master or a Legend. Most of his stories involves food (and the price of it). If it was really good food, it was "very reasonable" in price. When I suggested that he call his memoir "Cheap Skates & Dinner Plates", he came at me with letter opener.

Like all great gastro-romantics, his love of food began somewhere. So here is an early photo of Ralph and his grandmother enjoying a great joy of his life!

The Salesman & the Farmer's Turkey

After getting turned down by two chickens, Ralph closes the deal for a quarter-page ad from a turkey. Ralph's flawless pitch, combined with a mesmerizing outfit, locks the bird into a 6-month contract.

On a side note, my family used to own a Volkswagen Squareback the same color as that shirt. The car is long gone, but chances are the shirt's still around.

The Poleclimbers

Ah, the 1950s! Tupperware, Sputnik, Rock n' Roll...and Poleclimbing. I pulled this 1959 beauty from the Fuccillo archives. Even Ralph has no idea what's going on here, or who's going up (or down) the pole.

They Knew the Groom When He Used to Rock n' Roll

1971: Ralph ushers in a wild crew for his wedding. From the left, the Great Garunz; Jim Campagna; Big Red; Raphael the Groom; and the Mighty Cim. All that's missing is Huntz Hall or maybe Joey Bishop. Despite this, Jan marries Ralph anyway, and they're still like two newlyweds!

General Secretary of the Mad Man's Convention

Sometimes I'm better off not knowing the context of the photo. I'm in the dark here, except to say this is Ralph eating bait. Possibly in the nude. One can only hope this is the only photo, and not number one in a series...

Lost Music of the Bronx

I know. There's no band listed on the label, but believe me, this is the actual 45 of The Stowaways' single Set for Life/Tonight's Ride (or vice versa). Either recorded or just pressed at Tower Sound Studio Inc. at 1697 Broadway, New York, NY (about which I can find no info on the internets) in 1966, the songs of The Stowaways (which you've probably never heard unless you ate a lot of pizza in Castle Hill in the mid-60s) owe much to a timely love of the British Invasion. Lead singer Carlo Beneducci (I'll need to verify the spelling -- buy the book "Once a Kid" after it's been proofread) who, by Ralph's account, could hardly speak a word of English, does a heck of a British accent.

Back to Ralph (remember Ralph? This is a blog about Ralph): He can clearly be heard in the background vocals, and on his Hofner bass, on this lost classic of very local, very Bronx rock n' roll... "Set for Life"!

A Picture's Worth Fifty-Six Words!

Young Ralph eagerly awaits a call from Ed Sullivan concerning his ventriloquist act. Actually, that's no dummy, it's just a doll -- "Pinocchio," says modern-day Ralph (of course, a face shot of Pinocchio doesn't do his nose much justice). Does this photo foreshadow Ralph's relationship with the Satanic Santa doll? Who's S.S.? Oh, you'll find out!

The Crooner

It's no exaggeration to say this boy's been on the stage all his life. If not literally, then figuratively. This photo of Young Ralph belting out a bouncer from Your Hit Parade could launch a book on its own. From his father leaning the mic towards him (the first and last time anyone ever pushed a microphone toward Ralph) to the smiling drummer whose cigar-chomping mug can practically date this photo to the minute, this black & white moment is a story unto itself. That is until Ralph tells the tale. Then suddenly we're in technicolor...

Erin Go Wha?

I'd always heard that St. Patrick was an Italian, but I never believed it until now. While Ralph never chased the snakes out of Castle Hill, he did clear out a men's room at a White Castle once.

Fuccillo Meets Rizzuto

Could there even be a New York Yankees without Fuccillo? Sometimes it seems his sheer will has kept these titans of baseball at the zenith of sports history...

Here Young Ralph, looking like an Italian rooster, meets legendary shortstop Phil Rizzuto, aka "The Scooter". Those two boys are crammed into a tight space, huh?

The stories to be told of Ralph's adventures with the legends!

Get the Shovel...

...but it's no bull! Ralph tells some wild tales, but every word is true! In this iconic photograph, which we'll name "The Shovel" (pronounced "shuv-ELL"), are little Ralph, his father, and his grandfather, the Original Raphael! Ralph's got enough stories about his grandfather to fill a book on its own. Collect 'em all!

Back in the City that Never Sleeps...

...the man that never sleeps. Ralph wakes up the birds on a visit to his old stomping grounds (NY) in 2008. Even after a life of wild times, the outrageous adventures continue. (Ralph and his agent, Big Little, have discussed publishing the memoirs in multiple volumes. Anything for an extra buck!)

Let's Go, Boys!

So we'll begin here with a glamour shot of our author, Ralph Fuccillo, the protagonist and antagonist of "Once a Kid". Ralph is shown here with his prized Hofner bass, possibly on his way to practice with late 60's local Bronx legends, The Stowaways.