The Official Back Book Flap Photograph

The back of the photo reads, "Our first apartment - 1971 - Ralph studying." I can't add much to this description, but I will offer my aesthetic impression. This is not only the greatest photograph of a human being, but I believe the single most important photograph since the dawn of the process. It might even succeed the cave paintings of the Chauvet-Pont-d'Arc Cave in significance.

I don't know if the zipper's down for a little ventilation or if it's broken.

If it's broken, would you call a tailor or an upholsterer?

And They Lived Happily Ever After...

Ralph and Red (the original Irish Rodeo Clown himself, John Regan) outside Red's house in Chester, New York, early 70s. Once a Kid would be a slimmer volume were it not for the wild adventures Ralph shared with Red. He's Dean Moriarity to Ralph's Sal Paradise. Dr. Gonzo to Ralph's Raoul Duke. Or vice versa. Or neither. Soon, the world will be using them as examples: "He's the Red to my Ralph."

Raphael Milhous Nixon

Once a Kid returns! Ah, Summer, when a young Italian's heart turns to travel! Here we see a teenage Ralph doing his best Richard Nixon. He's smiling because, on the way out of the plane, he stuffed the pockets full of peanuts. The photo's dated "Aug '67", but that might just be when it was developed -- this was pre-Instagram days, kids.

You might be mumbling to yourself, too embarrassed to ask aloud, "Is he in his pajamas?" I'm not sure. The other options are it's a modified Nehru jacket or he's on his way to a Male Nurse convention.

We here at "Once a Kid" are happy to be back. Whenever Ralph puts the writing of the memoir aside, I suspend the blog. When his devotion wanes, my ennui sets in. But the Kid's been scribbling again, composing pages of quotes from that cast of characters who've colored his life. Keep 'em coming, big fella!

The Magnificent Seventh Inning Stretch!

He's back!The kid does the stretch! Good to see ol' Ralphie Boy strutting in the bleachers. Back in the Bronx for a recharge! Surely the Yankees won after such a display!

Surely, they didn't. Those bums!

Parker Street Monologues #4

Now you too can learn how to do "The Bow-legged Chicken" and other dances (well, just one other dance). Ralph once again takes us back to the Bronx and his school days at Santa Maria School.

Please do not attempt these dances with a bad back (the poor fella was bent over like u cucciarell for days).

(I realize the video says this is PSM #3, but it's really #4. Do you know what a hassle it is for me to edit that with the equipment I use?)

Forty Years of Love and Patience.... And Did I Mention Patience?

Congratulations to the Bronx kid, Ralph and his lovely wife Jan on forty years of marriage! Real nice!

Italian Ice Skating

Italian Ice + Ice Skating = Ralph's father putting on the blades and skating a figure eight (or nodo a otto, as his paisans would say). A fine winter's day in Bronx photographer Walter Slattery's backyard. I don't where Ralph is. Either, he's not yet born, he's putting on his skates, or he's home with Spaghetti Grandma stuffing the cheeks with pignoli and cucidati!