The Old Softee

Ask Ralph what the fifth food group is and he'll tell you Mr. Softee -- it's the creamiest, dreamiest soft ice cream! Really -- it's right there in the song!

"The creamiest, dreamiest soft ice cream,
You get from Mister Softee.
For a refreshing delight supreme,
Look for Mister Softee.
My milkshakes and my sundaes and my cones are such a treat,
Listen for my store on wheels, ding-a-ling down the street.
The creamiest, dreamiest soft ice cream,
You get from Mister Softee.
For a refreshing delight supreme,
Look for Mister Softee.
S-O-F-T Double 'E', Mister Softee."

Scenes from an Italian Kitchen

Ralph's Grandmother's birthday! If Norman Rockwell grew up in the Bronx, this is what he would have painted. Note Young Ralph's Davy Crockett t-shirt in the first photo (click on the photos for larger versions).

The Bronx Belly Bomber

Eating. Is it an Art or a Sport? Depending on your view, Ralph can be considered either a Master or a Legend. Most of his stories involves food (and the price of it). If it was really good food, it was "very reasonable" in price. When I suggested that he call his memoir "Cheap Skates & Dinner Plates", he came at me with letter opener.

Like all great gastro-romantics, his love of food began somewhere. So here is an early photo of Ralph and his grandmother enjoying a great joy of his life!

The Salesman & the Farmer's Turkey

After getting turned down by two chickens, Ralph closes the deal for a quarter-page ad from a turkey. Ralph's flawless pitch, combined with a mesmerizing outfit, locks the bird into a 6-month contract.

On a side note, my family used to own a Volkswagen Squareback the same color as that shirt. The car is long gone, but chances are the shirt's still around.

The Poleclimbers

Ah, the 1950s! Tupperware, Sputnik, Rock n' Roll...and Poleclimbing. I pulled this 1959 beauty from the Fuccillo archives. Even Ralph has no idea what's going on here, or who's going up (or down) the pole.

They Knew the Groom When He Used to Rock n' Roll

1971: Ralph ushers in a wild crew for his wedding. From the left, the Great Garunz; Jim Campagna; Big Red; Raphael the Groom; and the Mighty Cim. All that's missing is Huntz Hall or maybe Joey Bishop. Despite this, Jan marries Ralph anyway, and they're still like two newlyweds!

General Secretary of the Mad Man's Convention

Sometimes I'm better off not knowing the context of the photo. I'm in the dark here, except to say this is Ralph eating bait. Possibly in the nude. One can only hope this is the only photo, and not number one in a series...

Lost Music of the Bronx

I know. There's no band listed on the label, but believe me, this is the actual 45 of The Stowaways' single Set for Life/Tonight's Ride (or vice versa). Either recorded or just pressed at Tower Sound Studio Inc. at 1697 Broadway, New York, NY (about which I can find no info on the internets) in 1966, the songs of The Stowaways (which you've probably never heard unless you ate a lot of pizza in Castle Hill in the mid-60s) owe much to a timely love of the British Invasion. Lead singer Carlo Beneducci (I'll need to verify the spelling -- buy the book "Once a Kid" after it's been proofread) who, by Ralph's account, could hardly speak a word of English, does a heck of a British accent.

Back to Ralph (remember Ralph? This is a blog about Ralph): He can clearly be heard in the background vocals, and on his Hofner bass, on this lost classic of very local, very Bronx rock n' roll... "Set for Life"!

A Picture's Worth Fifty-Six Words!

Young Ralph eagerly awaits a call from Ed Sullivan concerning his ventriloquist act. Actually, that's no dummy, it's just a doll -- "Pinocchio," says modern-day Ralph (of course, a face shot of Pinocchio doesn't do his nose much justice). Does this photo foreshadow Ralph's relationship with the Satanic Santa doll? Who's S.S.? Oh, you'll find out!

The Crooner

It's no exaggeration to say this boy's been on the stage all his life. If not literally, then figuratively. This photo of Young Ralph belting out a bouncer from Your Hit Parade could launch a book on its own. From his father leaning the mic towards him (the first and last time anyone ever pushed a microphone toward Ralph) to the smiling drummer whose cigar-chomping mug can practically date this photo to the minute, this black & white moment is a story unto itself. That is until Ralph tells the tale. Then suddenly we're in technicolor...

Erin Go Wha?

I'd always heard that St. Patrick was an Italian, but I never believed it until now. While Ralph never chased the snakes out of Castle Hill, he did clear out a men's room at a White Castle once.